Hot Flashes, Weight Gain and Mood Swings, Oh My!

August 8, 2012

Summers in Louisiana are hell.  Especially if, like me, you are a green eyed blonde.  From May until October I am hot, sunburned, sweaty, frizzy and fairly angry. And yes, it has gotten worse over the past few years.  I feel like I just CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  And why the hell are all my clothes fitting funny this summer?  Obviously it is the cheap materials they use these days compounded by a lack of work ethic by those who put the damn things together.  I swear.  This country is going to hell.  And it isn’t just the clothes, it is the appliances too.  My milk frother broke, my iron spits out brown goop every time I use the steam function, my “lifetime” fancy French baking pan developed a crack for no reason and frankly, I HAVE HAD IT.  And YES!  I am screaming.  That’s OK though because I have a new strategy.  Now, whenever anything breaks, I simply pack it up and mail the damn thing back to whatever address I can find on the company website.  I don’t bother digging up the stupid warranty registration or whatever thing I filled out when I bought it.  And I certainly don’t bother calling customer service for instructions.  Since the person on the other end of the phone may or may not be, willing, able, competent and inclined to help me, I simply send the thing back.  I bubble wrap that baby (why? I don’t know because it is already broken!), write a very nice note (I swear), and mail it back indicating that I have no use for the contraption as it is.  I state that they are welcome to repair or replace it…….or not, but that I want it out of my house.   I gently request that if they are not planning to repair or replace it, that they dispose of it in an environmentally responsible manner and that they notify of their decision.   I thank them very much and say a quick prayer for the person who will open the box and have to deal with the situation.  Presto! That way I don’t have to hoard the thing in my hazmat box until the next hazmat recycling day rolls around.  It is their problem.  Also, I get a sense of liberation once I have taken initiative and cleared yet one more useless item out of my house.  I almost can’t wait for something to fall apart so I can address the matter.  Come to think of it, my hair dryer is making a funny sound……


One Response to “Hot Flashes, Weight Gain and Mood Swings, Oh My!”

  1. Tom said

    Im scared . What ( or who) “useless thing” will be next?

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